Twisting Insecurities to Build Security

The most and least confident people have insecurities: some that are faced, head-on, every day and others that hide in the subconscious of the person’s mind it inhabits, to painful to face. Every time we mess up, or even when we succeed, the negative talk in out heads pick at out perception of our self worth. The subconscious insecurities take an even harder hit at our confidence, holding us down without us knowing it, because, well, it’s simply easier to ignore our “flaws”. Well, here’s one of my insecurities, and I don’t talk about it too often, because its an uninvited guest that may never leave and also a guest that I am learning to love more and more every day.

I have Alopecia Totalis and I am totally bald. To be completely honest, the only time I’ve every even really thought about Alopecia’s effect on my confidence and self-perception was when I was pretty recently forced to deeply reflect on something that has greatly impacted my perspective in my college application essays. I was writing to an unknown stranger in these essays, and still, it was tough opening up. Tough, because I had to admit that my lack of hair could even faze me and could impact my performance and personality, whether its impact was for better or worse. Tough, because I had to realize that this condition was completely out of my control and that it would perpetually be unknown when or if I would ever have hair.

I don't bring this up because I am unhappy with the way I look or because I am ungrateful for the body that I am in, because I am both equally as confident and equally as insecure as any average teenager with a list of insecurities. Rather, I bring it up to present you with an example of the exact opposite effect to my confidence. I build confidence each time I find comfort in and love for my insecurities. Each time I take it upon myself explain to someone that the reason my hair looks different when I get a new wig is because, well, it’s simply a new wig. Each time I look in the mirror, bald, and genuinely admire myself (not in a conceded way lol, we all do it). Because confidence really is not superficial… Not in the slightest.

Do you ever wake up feeling like absolute crap, look in the mirror and think, ugh, I have to go into public looking like this again. Same. And then spontaneously wake up the net day feeling certain that it was be an incredible one, look in the mirror, and feel outright grateful to be in your skin. Same. This just shows that self-love is a work-in-progress. It always will be a work-in-progress. So let's love our insecurities when we feel like it, accept the days when we have an unshrinking pit in our stomachs about our most unavoidable “flaws", and rise above the things that hold us back from becoming our best selves. This is what taking full advantage of our insecurities looks like, and this is what I believe build confidence looks like.